Adelaide is 18 months old and is at the stage where she wants to know what everything is called. This is what it’s like.
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A Parenting Story
One Year – An open letter to my daughter
Adelaide, I have now been your dad for one year.
The Big White Room
I’ve been thinking about parenting again, lately. Funny that, as I am a parent. What I mean is that as I interact with other parents of different backgrounds and children of various ages, I keep revisiting some ideas I’ve had about kids, learning, and people. I think mainly I’ve been channeling Radiolab episodes in my head.
This post may be a little less coherent and freeform because 1) I’m really tired, and 2) this is a set of ideas in progress. It’s about parenting, and that’s always a moving target.
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Here’s a parenting tip
Parents can always win through attrition because adults have more resources than children. It may seem like children have more stamina, but they have less follow-through.
All bets are off when they’re teenagers, though.
Five Unexpected Things About Being a New Dad
Everyone has a list, but as far as I know these items have not been mentioned about what to expect after you’re expecting.
- I have had several epiphanies as a direct result of taking care of a baby. For example, a previous post about learning to just take charge of the situation.
- I did not realize how emotional and weepy I would be for the first few days. I would cry singing things like “A Whole New World”, or even “Et in terra pax” from Haydn’s Missa Brevis. You feel pretty silly crying while rocking your baby and singing Latin in a hospital.
- Hormones! I didn’t realize how belligerent I would get when I thought someone was putting my wife and/or child through unnecessary hardship. I thought I was a pretty gentle guy, but I’ve become really protective of my family. For example, the nurses kept trying to help my wife breastfeed, but their ministrations were mainly frustrating for my wife and baby. Basically it was like trying to learn something but the resident “expert” keeps jumping in saying, “Here let me do it”.
- I’d heard of it, but didn’t realize the extent it would take… I became hairier. My arms and chest are a little bushier now. This may be partially due to the exercise of constant lunges, rocking back and forth, and swaying with the baby.
- I also did not realize how much more opinionated I’d become. On the one hand that’s good, because my daughter needs to have a consistent and steady father — but it can quite easily morph into thinking you’re right just because you’ve decided to be certain.
So essentially by being an involved father (through attachment parenting, proactively soothing the baby, changing diapers, etc) I have gained the proportional strength, speed, and attributes of a moody teenage boy.
Huzzah!
Update: Added a link to an interesting thing about oxytocin. While oxytocin increases bonding amongst intimates, it accentuates feelings of difference towards other people. That would explain my moods, because I’ve been swimming in oxytocin lately.
The 3 most important things about being a human
At first I thought I’d title this, “Three most important things about being a parent” but then I realized it was more applicable to everyone. With a little creativity you can apply these rules to your marriage, your friendships, your family, and probably even your job. But I’ll stick with the parenting examples because they’re what prompted the thoughts in the first place.
Rules for taking care of your baby:
- You just have to take charge of the situation. The diaper isn’t going to change itself, and the baby doesn’t really care to help you. So don’t pussy-foot around; just grab the damn legs, lift her up, take off the dirty one and put on the clean one. It’ll work out, trust me. Babies respond well if you act like you mean it.
- Treat the nurses the same way. Minus the diaper bit, of course. If you behave like a helpless parent, you will be treated like a helpless parent. Don’t freak out. If you have a concern raise it and be calm about it. Adults regard you the way you ask (verbally/nonverbally) to be regarded.
- Don’t screw up how to do the first two bits — the nurses know their shit so treat them with respect and take their suggestions with good grace. Babies eventually grow up to have minds of their own and will have the right to make contrary choices. Don’t fool yourself that you know what’s going on, just because you took charge of the situation.
Also, #3 is the most important (and most difficult) bit.
Gratuitous baby picture.
